When it comes to understanding unwanted sexual behavior, many people would naturally think the primary issue is about sex. But more often than not, sexual brokenness is a symptom of something much deeper.
As we will learn in this session, there are many factors that contribute to sexual brokenness. We will also see why it’s such a challenging topic to discuss and why so many men and women struggle in silence.
When it comes to the sexual landscape of our world, many of us have found ourselves in a place very different than we expected.
IT SEEMS SO OBVIOUS: IF WE INVENT A MACHINE,
THE FIRST THING WE ARE GOING TO DO AFTER MAKING A PROFIT
IS USE IT TO WATCH PORN.
DAMON BROWN (7)
THE FOUR “A”S OF PORNOGRAPHY
Affordable: the majority of pornography is free online.
Available: pornography is easily accessible-anything, anytime, anywhere
Anonymous: we don’t have to be known or leave the privacy of our home to use pornography.
Aggressive: pornography is more violent than ever.
THE PORN PARADOX: NEVER BEFORE HAS PORNOGRAPHY
BEEN MORE POPULAR, BUT AT THE SAME TIME, NEVER
BEFORE HAS IT BEEN MORE VIOLENT.
ANY PORN USE IS ASSOCIATED WITH
DECLINES IN RELIGIOUS COMMITMENT AND BEHAVIOR
AND AN INCREASE IN RELIGIOUS DOUBTS
DR. SAMUEL PERRY®
How did we get here? The truth is that we are all being exposed and impacted by pornography and sexual brokenness around us. Even if we have never personally struggled,. We are impacted through relationships–we have friends, family members and spouses who struggle. We all know people who have been victims of abuse, hurt by someone else’s unprocessed sexual issues.
We simply can’t ignore this problem and hope it gets better. We must be equipped to be part of the solution, whether for our own story or to play a role in someone else’s story.
EVERYONE IS SEXUALLY BROKEN.
There is a unique push-pull of unwanted sexual behavior that so many of us feel. We feel the pull of desire and pleasure and the push of hating the behaviors we continue doing.
This push-pull is what creates a very unique place of shame in our souls. This can create a framework in our thinking that sex is very shameful and secret.
THE POWER OF PAIN
Pain can be a powerful motivator when changing behavior.
Pain or Beauty – 2 things that Change us.
MARRIAGE DOESN’T CHANGE YOU,
IT JUST REVEALS MORE OF WHAT IT FINDS.
FIVE STAGES OF SEXUALLY
- Early Exposure – Vulnerability
- Escalating Struggle – Unmanageability
- Detesting and Desiring – Shame
- Failed Attempts to Stop – Powerlessness
- Relationship Issues – Consequences
When it comes to the challenge of defining “addiction,” we too often focus on the degree of behavior. For example, if someone is just using fantasy or online pornography, it’s not an addiction, it’s a struggle. But, someone who is paying for sex or visiting strip clubs, which is extreme behavior, has an addiction. The degree of behavior really doesn’t tell the whole story.
Addiction is much more about “dependence” and “disturbance.”
DETERMINING AN ADDICTION
1. How long has this been a problem?
2. How many times have you tried to stop?
3. Is it causing you or people you love significant amounts of pain?
WE (THE CHURCH) ARE SIMPLY SPEAKING TO THE SYMPTOMS
RATHER THAN PULLING BACK AND ADDRESSING THE HEART ISSUE
AT THE ROOT OF SEXUAL BROKENNESS.
GOING BELOW THE SURFACE
We behave in accordance with how we think and feel. What we think about often enough and long enough is what we tend to do and become.
Changing our behaviors is not enough. We need to recognize how our core beliefs lead to our thoughts and feelings which lead to our actions. This is why simply trying harder doesn’t work.
THE CYCLONE OF ADDICTION
We might refer to our struggle with unwanted sexual behaviors like a cyclone: a damaging storm that can cause serious issues in our world. For a cyclone to form, there must be several factors in the environment: air temperature; a hot and a cold front meeting; wind speed; and more. All of these factors must be present or a cyclone will not form.
This is also true in The Cyclone of Addiction. A number of factors must be present that contribute to our addictive behaviors. As we work through these factors, one by one, we will begin to see The Cyclone of Addiction dissipating and losing its power.
Family of origin dysfunction –
Early abuse and personal trauma –
Crowing up in an addictive society –
Core beliefs of unworthiness or shame –
Discomfort with feeling alone –
False concept of need for sex –
DESTRUCTIVE PATTERN° – Binge / Purge
- Denial – Its Not AS Bad AS others
- Rationalizing- Everyone
- Blaming others
No matter what your personal struggle or what brought you here, this journey will be life-changing!
We may be at a place very different than we expected, but God wants to meet us in a very real way right where we’re at, regardless of our struggle. God wants to work in us so that He can work through us.
Then your salvation will come like the dawn, and your wounds will quickly heal. Your godliness will lead you forward, and the glory of the Lord will protect you from behind …Then you will be known as a rebuilder of walls and a restorer of homes.
ISAIAH 58:8.12 NLT
1 Ongoing data collected by Pure Desire Ministries International, 2009-present. Participants of study completing SAST-R, V2.0 © 2008, P.J. Cares, Sexual Addiction Screening Test-Revised.
3 Josh McDowell Ministry (2016). The Porn Phenomenon: The Impact of Pornography in the Digital Age. Ventura, CA: Barna Group.
4 Solano, I., Eaton, N. & O’Leary, K. (2018). Pornography Consumption, Modality and Function in a Large Internet Sample. The Journal of Sex Research, 57:1, 92-103, DOI: 10.1080/00224499.2018.1532488
5 Covenant Eyes (2018). Porn Stats: 250+ facts, quotes, and statistics about pornography use. Owosso, MI: Covenant Eyes, Inc. 13.
6 Fagan, P. (2009). The Effects of Pornography on Individuals, Marriage, Family, and Community Marriage & Religion Research Institute. December. 8.
7 Ibid. 5
8 Perry, S.L. (2017). Does Viewing Pornography Diminish Religiosity Over Time? Evidence From Two-Wave Panel Data. The Journal of Sex Research, 54:2, 214-226. DOI: 10.1080/00224499.2016.1146203.
9 Carnes, P. (2000). Sexual Addiction and Compulsion: Recognition, Treatment & Recovery. CNS
Spectrums, 5(10), 63-72.